"Don't embarrass him. He just needs to drink water from my big fake titties"

Ahhh Vegas.  The city of wasted youngsters celebrating bachelor parties and 21st birthdays.  OR middle aged men doing coke and getting hookers!  I'll never forget this one busy Saturday where I hear about a couple in a cabana having sex.  The cabana hosts are talking about it because the man is old and the girl is wasted.  The cabanas close and I'm out on the pool deck trying to make the cash.  This lady with an Ed Hardy hat waves me over as she's in the pool straddling an older male with greying hair.  I bend down so I can hear her (with the music from the pool party blaring) and she's speaking words but not formulating sentances.  I really can't understand what she's trying to tell me!  Finally she says "You don't even care do you, I'm trying to be considerate" blah blah blah.  I look to the older man expecting him to apologize for her but I don't think he's heard a work she's said!  Now she wants a beer.  But not in the pool where she is, she wants me to bring it to her cabana (which is closed).  I let her know that it's closed and I can bring it to her right where she is but she wants me to meet her at the entrance to her cabana and bring it to her there.  When I tell her "no" she says "FORGET IT THEN".  Nasty lady.  Not even pretty.  Not even skinny....she's GROSS.  I tell the story to my coworker as all employees in the service industry do (we all talk about you constantly, for better or for worse) and I come to find out it's the same couple having sex earlier. Soooooo a bit later I'm walking by and I notice the Ed Hardy lady has her big boobs out but the man who she's straddling is passed out!  Or passing out!  His head is limp and she keeps making sure it doesn't go under water.  Her friends come over and they are standing on the pool deck picking up the guys arms so he's not slouching into the water and drowning...what I sight!  I run and call security and tell a pool manager.  Pool Manager goes and talks to couple and she's blabbering and blabbering I can't hear hear.  He runs over to me and asks how long it's been since I called security.  We look down the walkway and there is Mr. Security, Coffee Bean in one hand and cell phone in the other hand, texting.  "Hey get over here!!!"  Security comes, EMT comes and Ed Hardly lady is pissed.  Old man has eyes open but I don't think he has a clue as to who he is or what's going on.  Ed Hardy lady is not letting EMT's get him out of the pool. She's pours water on her breasts and yells "He just needs to hydrate! Let him drink this water off my big titties!".  And she yells it over, and over.  It's a pretty comical situation now.  They get the man up out of the water and put him on the wheelchair.  "Don't embarrass him!"  REALLY?  She get's out of the water, dances with all her blubber and sits on his lap and gives him a lap dance".  I want to puke in my mouth and now everyone's laughing.  Security makes her get up and wheels him off the deck as the whole pool claps.  She says "Can I push him I think it'd be fun".  I wonder if she got paid!

Working doesn't suck., well as bad.

One of the great parts about working in the service industry is not dreading going in for work...that much.  I mean don't get me wrong, right now I'd much rather stay at home and drink coffee and blog all day but the fact that I have to go to work (in 20 minutes) isn't killing me.  I recall those feelings of anxiety and depression that I used to feel before my "real" job.  But I mean all kidding aside all I have to do right now is shower, put on a bathing suit and a dress, drive to work, and then I get to chat with my friends!  It'll get hot and I'll have to deal with a few challenging people but if they really piss me off I can retreat to the service well and sit on a egg crate and read a magazine.  I've met a lot of great friends this summer and sometimes I actually look forward to going in and socializing with everyone.  We have become a close group and working with them makes "Friday" seem a lot closer.

Get your sh*t ready!

You're out at the pool laying out, relaxing, drinking, people watching and the waitress comes and you order a drink.  She says "It will be $12 when I come back".  That means "Have $12 ready for me when I come back!".  As much as I enjoy being outside and watching drunk people make fools of themselves, I really don't appreciate waiting for you to finish your phone call then rummaging through your over sized purse to find your wallet that you have inside of a Ziploc back to prevent it from getting wet while I am standing in front of you with a full tray of drinks and the sun beating down on me.  GET YOUR SH*T Ready!  You aren't the only person out here!  Other people are waiting too and their drinks are melting on MY TRAY!!  You're probably the person too that says "wow that took a long time" when you're done with your phone call.   What I really wish I could reply is "Yeah I'm sorry you waited so long but nobody before you had their $$ ready when I dropped off their drinks so it really slowed me down".  My hero is one of the girls out at the pool who when asked "How long will it take you to bring my drinks if I order" responded with "I'm not really sure.  It depends on how many more people stop me to ask me how long it will take to bring their drinks!".   I wish I had the balls.

If you want to order Orange Juice., please don't ask what we have.

I'm confused.  If you would like a glass of orange juice, why don't you just say "Can I have a glass of orange juice?"  It's 105 degrees out and a lady flags me down.  I'm dripping sweat from my brows and she asks, "what do you have" which I reply with "what are you looking for".  So she says it louder, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE".  I say we have a full bar, we have frozen drinks, mixed drinks, beer, wine, soda, coffee, iced tea, and juice.  Her next question?  "What kind of juice"..  Okay...."orange juice, pineapple juice, cranberry juice, grapefruit juice".  And she says "Give me an orange juice".  Seriously lady?  I almost just passed out from heat stroke while explaining to you for the last 5 minutes what kind of drinks we have AT THE BAR BY THE POOL IN LAS VEGAS and you want me to bring you a freakin' OJ!?  I bet when I get back you won't be able to read the tip line either....

Funny how foreigners can't read "Tip"

So I currently work out at a pool in Las Vegas.  Mind you it's the desert and it's August, so it's HOT.  Serving drinks poolside is a whole different ball game.  It's busy, people are drunk, cranky, and did I mention it's hot!  It never ceases to amaze me when I present the check for a guest to sign to their room, that the only line guests can NOT read is "tip".  There are 5 lines on the check:
Tip:

Total:

Print Name:

Signature
Suite #

Don't you think that it's funny that guests who can't speak English can complete the lines that say "Print, Sign, Room #" but can't seem to understand the tip and total?  When I hand it to them I say "please total that out for me and sign" and they just sign and print.  Then I point to the the tip and total line (which I have placed "x's" next to) and say "I need you to write in the total" and they proceed to write in the exact total and don't even touch the tip line!  I've gotten to a point where sometimes it's just so hot that I don't even bother.  I've just come to expect that if they are ordering orange juice and coke with no ice then they aren't going to tip me and I move on to their english speaking neighbor who's ordering shots of Patron ;-)